


Dualscar has a lapse in judgment

by Bettername



Series: A Series of Unfortunate Comedic Choices [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dark Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettername/pseuds/Bettername
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Grand Highblood orders Dualscar to tell him a joke as payment for wasting his time. Dualscar tells him a joke. It doesn't end well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dualscar has a lapse in judgment

**Author's Note:**

> We all know that Dualscar supposedly dies at the hands of the Grand Highblood because he told a bad joke. This is just one of my many ideas on which joke he might have told.

The Grand Highblood tore himself away from watching blue blood splatters dry on the back of his gargantuan hand and stared at the violetblood standing before him. “Dualscar, if I want to know where the pirate is located I would look for her. AND IF I WANT TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM YOU I WOULD RIP YOU OPEN AND CONSULT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ENTRAILS.” The sea troll was attempting not to quake in fear and was failing miserably. How motherfucking cute. You had your orders, but the empress did not say anything about fucking with him first. “There is a toll for wasting my motherfucking precious time fish.” 

“A toll?” the violetblood warbled.

“YES THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING TOLL.”

“Wwhat is this toll if I may inquire Grand Highblood?”

“A joke.”

“A joke?” The indigo grinned broadly displaying his full set of bloodstained teeth. 

“THE TOLL IS YOU MUST TELL ME A MOTHERFUCKING JOKE. A good one. AND NO FUCKING FISH PUNS EITHER.” The sea troll thought it over for a few moments.

“I got one. You should like this one. So three followwers of the Church of the Mirthful Messiah’s wwent to an alien planet on a mission to spread the word of the Church to the alien heathens. Wwhen they reach their destination they are captured and taken to the leader of the vvillage. The followwers quickly discovver that the savvages despise missionaries. The leader gives each of the followwers twwo choices. They can chose either culling or bulah bulah. The leader looks at the first followwer, after thinking for some time the followwer decides that he needs more time to spread the word of the Mirthful Messiahs so he chooses bulah bulah. A group of aliens swwarm the followwer and do all sorts of depravved acts to the followwer howwever, he manages to suvrvivve the ordeal. Then the leader looks at the second followwer and gives him the same choice. Again the followwer takes his time deciding his fate and chooses bulah bulah so he can continue servving the Mirthful Messiahs. A different group swwarms the followwer and they do equally despicable and unspeakable things to the second followwer, but like the first he manages to survive. The leader then turns to the last followwer. The followwer tells him that he has made his decision. He believves that the Mirthful Messiah’s would not approvve of their followwers allowwing such reprehensible actions to occur just to spare their owwn livves. The third followwer tells the heathen leader that he chooses culling. The alien leader considers the third followwer’s decision for a moment. Once he is finished mulling over wwhat the followwer told him he throwws up his arms and yells ‘Culling! By bulah bulah!’” 

The Grand Highblood is not amused. “Dualscar, I’m not sure that you are motherfucking aware of this but only indigobloods worship the Mirthful Messiahs. YOU JUST TOLD THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT TROLL IN THE MOTHERFUCKING UNIVERSE WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE AN INDIGOBLOOD, A JOKE ABOUT ANOTHER INDIGOBLOOD GETTING MOTHERFUCKING PAILED TO DEATH BY SOME FUCKING ALIENS. I just have one question for you Dualscar. ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING SUICIDAL BECAUSE YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKING ACTING LIKE IT?” 

“No Grand Highblood, I’m most certainly not. Sir.” The violet blood swallowed thickly. The indigo behemoth leaned back in his throne.

“You come to my ship, you waste my time, you tell me not only an insulting joke but a motherfucking blasphemous one at that. I CAN’T LET THIS GO UNPUNISHED FISH.” The psychotic murder machine grins maniacally. “I’m going to give you two choices. FIRST CHOICE CULLING. Second choice you have to let me pail you. AND YOU BETTER BE MOTHERFUCKING WILLING.”

“You ...you split trolls in half when you pail them.”

“That’s the point motherfucker.” Dualscar stood up straight.

“Then I choose death than rather than fill a pail with landdwelling filth like you.” The Grand Highblood stood up and nudged something underneath his throne with his foot. A pail rolled out.

“THEN CULLING IT IS.”


End file.
